Worst blogger...ever

How in the world am I supposed to have a record of my life in blog when I apparently am the worst blogger ever?

Anyhow, big news for us: we joined a new church. That poor pastor had to watch me completely lose it during service. He knew I was having a hard time leaving Bethel and I'd blubbered on him weeks before over this fact. He also knew that we'd made our decision to join the church and he was going to call us up after the sermon to announce it to the church and have us remake our confession of faith. But then I got a text from Meg. One of the little ones at Bethel asked where I was. I don't know why that struck me so hard, but it did. I know in my mind that even if we went back to Bethel, that things would never be the same (not that they were wonderful, mind you). But my heart aches for the things I've lost: being with those specific kids, seeing G. after church running around with her friends, checking in on our senior saints, worshipping not just with my friends but with people I truly consider family, singing with F., knowing that what I did during the week made a difference to the environment people worshipped in. Plus I miss being a pastor's wife. Isn't that silly? But I miss feeling like I "belonged."

It probably didn't help that the Saturday before was RH's funeral and I was there at Bethel making sure tissues were available and things were ready. I was a go-to person to ask questions and making decisions on things. Then Sunday I was just me. A nobody that made no difference to anyone and back to just being a number in the weekly count. I don't like that feeling. Makes me think, though, if I'm not enough just being me...than I probably was never enough with the other things.

Geez. That's deep.

In other news, Baby Boy turns one in a week and change! He is the most adorable and smartest baby ever. I need to plan more baby time. I've put a lot of money in that stupid Happy Planner. I need to use it! Dad-blast it!