Lorie gets to third base

Tonight I forgot that I had nursery duty at church. I'm supposed to have it every fourth Wednesday but for whatever reason, I haven't been in the nursery for awhile. Johanna stayed home sick from school so I was keeping her home from church when Lorie called to tell me that I had nursery and there were 4 babies there. So I grabbed Jo and got to the church. I made Jo stay in Kenny's office and told Lorie to help me out in the nursery. There ended up being only 2 babies but in the end I was glad to have her in there because of the humor factor.

One baby hadn't ever been at church before and when she got sleepy, she got more than a little unhappy. She was actually unhappy at Lorie. For whatever reason, she decided that Lorie was mocking her pain and would cry and sob whenever Lorie would laugh. I rocked her and sang to her and eventually she went to sleep. That's when the fun started and Lorie got "lucky".

The baby she was holding started stinking. Lorie got a panicked look on her face because I told her that she'd have to change him since I didn't think that my baby would let me put her in a crib without waking up and screaming bloody murder. That's when Lorie informed me that she's only changed one other baby "and that didn't go well." I told her tough luck, that she was a smart child and needed to just get on with things. So she takes the baby and get a diaper and wipes out of his bag. Then she sits him on the changing table and looks at him. I suggest lying him down. Apparently this is the point where the other baby she'd attempted to change started pitching a fit and rolling around. She got a scared look on her face and gingerly laid the baby down. This baby, being a bit more good natured, lay down nicely and kept playing with whatever toy Lorie'd given him. He was dressed in overalls, so I told Lorie to look for the snaps between the legs. She said there weren't any and hauled the baby up and started unbuckling him from the top while we argued about whether there really were snaps or not (by the way, I was right...there WERE snaps). So she gets him out of his overalls and laid back down again. In the meantime, I'm laughing as hard, yet as quietly as I can, because I have this sleeping baby on my chest. Lorie crosses her legs and informs me that she's really got to pee. Well, seeing that I've got dead weight on my chest and she's got a half-naked baby on the changing table, I told her that that would have to wait. She tentatively opened the diaper and SURPRISE! false alarm...he'd only been passing gas. She got him in his new diaper and then back into his overalls (sooooo funny) and then back on the floor so she could run down the hall to use the bathroom.

When she got back, her baby was unhappy. She got the bottle out and him in comfy-to-him-horribly-uncomfortable-to-her position and gave him his bottle. At which point he put his hand back and copped a squeeze. So between the open mouth kisses she got at the beginning of the night, him "feeling her up" and her getting up close and personal with his privates, I told her that she'd gotten to third base and didn't even get dinner and a movie out of the deal.

It only got better when as we are leaving the nursery, I caught sight of her from the rear...she really HAD needed to go to the bathroom!!! Add to it being in the car with little Kenny and her arguing about whether or not her knowing how to change a diaper in theory was just as good as being able to actually do it (and from her recent experiences, I'm not sure why Lorie was so adamant about her position) and then them arguing about Kenny's usage of the word "airy" (Lorie said it was "ar-ry" as in saying the letter "r" with a "ry" on the end) only to find out that what Kenny really meant WAS airy and what Lorie really meant was "awry"...well, it was a classic Stokes night!